I'm sorry that I have to make this so difficult.
Well, actually you can still email me, but thanks to spammers that I'd like to see boiled alive in a vat of molten chewing gum, I've had to disable my handy-dandy email form in addition to removing every written instance of my address so that it won't be harvested. You can get my email address from the second-to-last paragraph below. I also need to go over a few things first ...
* Anonymous emails submitted without a name and proper return email address are unwelcome and will be deleted unread.
* If a week or more has gone by and you're wondering why you haven't heard back from me, please read the sections of my site entitled "When does Chuck find time to sleep, and why doesn't he answer my email, the bastard?". I promise that it'll get read, even if I might not be able to get around to replying for a while.
* If you're writing to ask me to make a custom itinerary for your upcoming New Orleans trip ... I'm very sorry, but I really don't have enough time to do that. All my recommendations are right here, and you're welcome to use them as you like.
* If you're having a dinner party or something similar, and you want me to come up with a custom menu for you ... I'm very sorry, but I really don't have enough time to do that. All my recipes are right here, just like in a cookbook; look through them and make what you think looks good! If you wish to hire me for pay as a travel or menu consultant ... go right ahead. I'm available.
* As always, thanks a million for your patience, cooperation and understanding. I'm really glad you've visited my site.
(Oh, here's where that lovely little email form used to be. It's gone now. Thank the spammers who, on the weekend of September 27-28, 2003, somehow managed to exploit a loophole in the cgi script and use it to send out thousands of spams, many of which bounced back to me, then help me wish them into their own private oven in Hell, where they may slowly roast for Eternity.
How much do I hate spammers? Let me paraphrase AM, the mad computer from Harlan Ellison's story "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream": "Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate spammers since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for spammers at this micro-instant. Hate. Hate." Okay, maybe that's a bit much. But I really hate spammers. A lot. Like ... this much.)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful little HTML tag called the "mailto:" tag. It enabled you to create a link when, if you clicked on it, it would automatically bring up your email software with the address already in the "To:" field, so that you could compose your missive to whichever web author you wanted.
Then along came evil SPAMMERS and their evil SPAMBOTS, little robots that'd crawl through a site and automatically harvest your email addresses so that their evil owners could send out millions of unwanted bulk emails trumpeting "MAKE MONEY FAST!" or "WORK FROM HOME!" or "BECOME A MILLIONAIRE!" or "LASER TONER CARTRIDGES" or "FREE PORN IN YOUR MAILBOX EVERY DAY!" And y'know, spammers, I don't want your toner cartridges or herbal Viagra or teen porn or your bullshit 3.5% mortgages or any of the rest of the crap you're trying to sell. Oh, and I really don't need to have my penis enlarged, thank you very much. (Have any of you ever noticed that not one single legitimate product is sold through spam? At least not in my experience.) When I was using my original email address I eventually got hundreds of spams every day, all because I was nice enough to put an easy, simple "mailto:" tag on my pages, back in the pre-Cambrian web era of nine years ago.
As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
So! You can't click on a "mailto" link to email me anymore, and you can't use the email form anymore, now that I've had to take it down. You can still send me email, using whatever email software you've got. You'll need my email address, of course, but thanks to the EVIL SPAMMERS I can no longer just write it out. So you'll have to be clever and figure it out from this insane ranting ... take the word chef and put it before that little "at" symbol, you know, the one above the "2" on American keyboards. Then just take the domain of this website -- you know, the gumbopages, part then the . (that's the dot, or period), and then finish it up with good ol' com. That's all you need. The chef, the at, the gumbopages, the dot and the com. It looks something like this:
Email away. I'll be happy to hear from you.
Unless you are a spammer, in which case you can go to Hell. After a public flogging, a month in the pillory and solitary confinement for life. (*hate*hate*hate*)
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